“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…”
I walk into the gymnasium. I’m clad only in my underwear. I hand my card off to some guy I’ve never seen before. Hot day, even for June. As I walk across the surprisingly cool floor I hear my information being announced.
“Robert Legend. First Year. St. Mary’s. 5’2” 108. 6th & 7th baseball. 6th & 7th basketball. 6th and 7th swimming…”
As I walk to the crest of St. Matt’s I make the decision. I walk up to the red mark on the wood floor in front the entire athletic staff of the school. Sitting in the front is The Bishop as well as the Dean of Moral Guidance, Brother Gabriel. As I stop on the line—in a seamless move—I pull down my shorts and step back. The room goes quiet. I hear someone gasp.
At an all-boys College Prep, sport is king. Football rules all. The Combine separates the men from the boys. Over a period of a week in early June, everyone trying out for football shows up—which is most of the school. The best I could hope for is First Year Football. If I were bigger, I’d have a slight chance at Freshman Football. Varsity and JV are out of the question for First Years.
Sunday afternoon the day before the first day of Combine. I’ll be starting at St. Matt’s in the Fall. My oldest brother James is a senior. He’s showing my brother Erik and his buddies what he does for “the drop.” Strictly Juniors and Seniors.
Walking in from the dining room, where he just striped to his boxers. James enters confidently and stops. In a swift move he bends and drops his shorts. He stands back. James has a big one and likes showing it off. James shouts as they will tomorrow, “Raise your arms.” His arms go up. “Turn to two!” He drops his arms, making a quarter turn. “Turn to three.” Another quarter turn and we’re staring at his muscled ass. “Arms!” He raises his arms. He turns to us, “Sometimes, they’ll say ‘Turn to four’, but almost never. Guys always fuck up on that.” He turns back to one, does a flick with his foot, flinging his underwear up, and walks out. “Wait for them to tell you to leave. They want to see you take direction well.”
Erik and his buddies just have to stand there in their shorts, as do I.
I’m hearing his words as I stand there in front of these men. These guys have been doing this all day. Seniors and Juniors were in the morning. They’re bored. First years are a formality. Freshman are the lowest at most schools. At St. Matthews College Preparatory the First Years are insignificant and pushed in and out of The Combine quickly. I hear them chatting. Something about a guy named Archie Bunker.
Legends hit puberty in a particular way: we get pubes, tiny bit of pit hair and our junk grows full size… then we stop. And wait. Suddenly, about two years in, we start to grow hard and fast. My balls dropped the previous summer. I’m still small.
In a fluid motion James would be proud of, I drop my briefs. Stand back on the one and stare straight ahead. My junk looks huge on my small frame. They are silent. I’m ready for them to send me on my way.
After what seems like an eternity: “Arms…” I raise my arms up from my side.
“Go to two…”
“…three…” I hear some whispers, pencils scratching.
“Back to one…” Quick half turn. My dick swings and slaps my thigh. In the silence of the room, it makes a clear and loud “smack.” I hear someone mutter “Jesus…” as it swings down.
“Yeah…” the voice says. “…you can go.” I hear a muttered, “And don’t trip over that…” followed by some muffled laughs. I glance at the Bishop and Brother Gabriel who do not look pleased.
By the time I get into the locker room to get my clothes, I’m already known as “The First Year Flasher.” The guys are joking and laughing. I grab my school uniform. The room goes cold and quiet. Brother Gabriel places his cool hand on my bare shoulder. He stands over me. I feel very naked.
“Follow me to my office.” He turns and walks to the door. I stumble along, dressing as I try to keep up. He does not slow his pace as I cross campus scrambling to pull on my clothes. I manage to get my shirt on as we arrive at his office. I don’t even bother with my tie.
His secretary takes down my information. “Another Legend?” She sighs. “How many of them are you?” I stammer, a voice calls out from the office, “Come.”
I shut the door slowly. I’m worried this is going to be the end of my life. It’s just the beginning. His office is dark. Plain. Multiple degrees on the wall. Not much else except for several crosses and a lot of books. I stand in front of his desk. I’m Shaking.
Father Gabriel asks me if I was trying to provoke a response. I don’t understand the question. He tries another approach which I also don’t get. Finally, “You are a prideful boy. What did you hope to achieve by that stunt?”
I stare at him for a second. He looks so cross. I think it bothers me more because he’s so good looking. Tall, athletic, extremely handsome. Dark hair, light blue eyes. To a kid, he seems old. He’s barely 40. He rarely smiles. When he does, he’s one of those guys you wonder why he isn’t fucking everything in sight when he’s that good looking.
He has me sit. He comes around the desk and sits close. He holds my hands and sighs. “The truth…” He closes his eyes. “I believe in the truth…” He pauses for what feels like an eternity. “Perhaps confession would be best.” I don’t want to, but I nod. Confession is private. He notes confession can’t go on my school record.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned…”
He moves in closer and grasps my hands. It’s so close and intimate. I whisper as I go through the normal things: impure thoughts. Touching myself. Swearing. Disrespectful to my parents, etc. He asks about today. I repeat my earlier response.
“Do you feel confidant because of your… size?” I shrug.
“Speak up boy. Do you feel prideful of your gift?” I don’t know what to say.
He moves his hands to my knees—gives them a firm, disciplinary squeeze. “A response please…”
“Did you hope to get a response from us?” His hands gently rub my thighs. Like he’s my buddy…
“You guess?” I can feel his breath on my neck as he moves in.
“Um… Yeah. Yes, Brother Gabriel.”
His voice drops lower, “Did you mean to arouse me?”
I start to answer when I realize he said “Me.” He’s aroused? But he’s a Man of God. Is this a trick? I’m paralyzed with fear. I don’t know how to answer. He hands move up my thighs.
“Are you aroused?” His hand moves to my crotch. He feels my hardening dick through the fabric of my slacks. “Yes. You prideful boy…” He pushes me back in the chair. Starts unbucking my belt. Pulling open my pants. He tugs hard. My dick Flops out. He whispers, “My, Heavenly Lord…”
He’s down on my rod in a second. I pull back. I grow rigid in his mouth. He grabs my pants at the sides and pulls me deeper into his mouth. I’m trying not to freak out. I stare at one of the crosses. This is sinful, right? Sports jizz aside, this is wasting sperm. It’s not going towards recreation. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It feels really good. He takes me all the way down and chokes a little. That’s all I need. “Father, I’m gonna…!” Without looking up, he reaches up and smacks his hand over my mouth. I do all I can not to cry out as my balls release.
I unleash my load down his throat. He gags. He tries to swallow, it spills down his chin. Brother Gabriel milks me as I twitch. He pulls off. Wipes his chin. He stands above me. His hands move fast as he pulls his pants down. His dick is nice. Not too large. Big bush. Smooth. Uncut. I’d even say it’s pretty. He pulls me close and stuffs it into my mouth.
“Take it, you prideful boy…” It enters my mouth and instantly starts coming. I don’t even taste his dick before I taste his cum. I swallow it all. I pull off, look up and grin. He looks down at me and smiles. “You are so prideful.”
He pulls his pants up and walks silently back to his desk. I stuff my dick back in my pants and zip up.
Father Gabriel flips through a file. My file. I already have a file. “You have a free period on Tuesdays at 3pm. We’ll meet then.” He looks up. I’m not sure what this means, so I just stare like an idiot. “When school starts, I expect to see you in my office at 3:00pm every Tuesday for private confession. Is that clear?” I nod. “You may go…”
I stand. “Father…”
“Yes, Robert.” He does not look up.
“Was that a sin?” He raises those blue eyes and glares. “I mean, sperm should be used for procreation and…”
He stops me. “It is the basis of life. It feeds and nourishes. Do you think the Lord does not want us to be nourished?”
Not sure what to say. I manage a long “Uh…”
He sits back and looks me up and down. “Your family has quite a checkered past at this school, Mr. Legend. I kindly suggest we keep this quiet between us—I know your grandfather is paying for your education, but you family history is quite… questionable.” I nod. Message received.
He stops me as I leave. Brother Gabriel walks over and tucks in my shirt, fixes pants, adjusts my collar. “For someone so prideful, one would think you’d pay more attention to how you dress.” I thank him and start to leave.
He pulls me back. “A gentleman shakes hand upon entering and upon leaving.” I shake his hand, thank him. He holds onto my hand. He brings his left hand to my face and leans forward. Is he going to kiss me? He whispers in my ear, “Be a good soul…” I have no response, so I leave.
Later that summer I’ll find out that my brothers also had confession with Brother Gabriel. James was lustful on Fridays, Erik impertinent on Wednesday mornings.
That night I can’t sleep. This was my first day, what will the rest of the week hold?