Sunday, July 6, 2008

Unexpected Surprises


September. Labor Day Weekend with a Rafael. I know him from parties. Mutual friends. Occasional late-night hookups. He’s cute. Compact. Tight. Furry but trimmed down. Nice dick. Good lay.

The invitation comes as a surprise. It’s not just us. We’re staying at his friend’s beach house. With the friends. Married straight couple. Rick and Connie. Mid-30s. Both extremely attractive. Well bred. All American. They have three kids: 3, 5, and 7. The kids are mildly out of control. Reminds me of my family. Not going to be a fuckfest weekend.

Cocktails in hand within seconds of arrival. Rick and Connie are instantly my best friends. Life is good.

Friday night. Drinks. Dinner. More drinks. Talk until well past midnight. I develop a mild crush on both Rick and Connie.

We go to bed. Rafael is horny and wants to fuck. I worry Connie and Rick will hear. I worry the kids will hear. Rafael is naked and playing with his hole. The kids’ room is downstairs. Connie and Rick are adults. We fuck like rabbits. His hole is so tight it almost hurts to fuck him. I vaguely remember grunting loudly.

Strange bed. Even with no sleep I wake early. Sun is up. I pad my way downstairs. Connie is making breakfast. Rick is on a run. I apologize for any noise we may have made. Connie says she didn’t hear a thing. She grins too much when she says it. I know she’s lying. I let it drop. We chat. I think she’s flirting with me. What the hell: “When in Rome…” I flirt back.


Rick comes back. He looks even better sweaty after his run. Instantly gives me grief about the noise. “Just how big is your dick?” he smiles, “we could hear Raf screaming about it through the walls.” I’m beat red. And a little hard at the thought of Rick hearing me fuck.

I change the subject. Ask Rick about his run. The more I talk to him the more I want to have sex with him. He’s damn fucking hot. He’s about 6’. 170. Brown hair. Clear blue eyes. Dusting of hair. Legs are thick. His ass is smoking. Plays soccer most weekends with a bunch of buddies. I can’t look at him without getting wood.


The day is eclectic. Playing with the kids. Reading. Sunning. Napping. I build an awesome sand castle that the kids all jump on and destroy. Rafael spends most of the day tanning and sleeping.

Another great dinner. Raf is wiped after all the sun and goes to bed early. Connie does too. It’s 9:30. Rick and I sit on the deck staring at the moon.

Rick suggests we go skinny dipping. He stands. Drops his pants. I’m so taken aback I don’t check out his junk. He’s halfway down to the water before he pulls off his shirt. I take off my clothes and follow him to the water.

There are small bond fires along the beach. None too close. Some of the nearby houses have floodlights facing the beach. Nothing direct on us. Still, I feel like we’re going to get caught. The moon is bright. There’s some visibility. I still can’t make out Rick’s package. The water is cold. I hope he can’t see mine shrinking up.

We splash around. Lots of diving into the waves. Some grab ass. Nothing sexual. All fun. Rick tackles me a few times. I quickly move beyond the weirdness that I’m naked with a really hot straight guy. We’re just having stupid fun.

Rick swims out where our feet can’t touch the bottom. I follow. I think of Jaws.

We tread water and talk a bit. He asks about Rafael. I tell him it’s not serious. He asks if Rafael knows it’s not. Pretty sure. He swims real close. Mentions the fucking again. He also asks again how big my dick is. This time he reaches for it. The water is cold. It’s not very big.


We swim towards the shore where we can stand. Rick leans in and kisses me. We start to make out. His hands are all over my dick and balls. I grow. He seems impressed.

We start walking back up the beach to the house. I want him bad. Halfway up I drop to my knees. I want his cock in my mouth. I take him in. It’s thick. Not long, but thick. He’s cut. Doesn’t quite fill my mouth. I don’t know where the salt of the ocean ends and his salty taste begins. As I keep sucking he fills my mouth with his growing cock. He’s warming up. It gets thicker. And thicker. Much like a beer can.

My hands grab his ass and pull him in. He grunts as he fucks my face. Rick’s cold wet hands massage my head. I briefly wonder if anyone can see us. This turns me on more. I suck harder. He grunts loudly. I doubt anyone can hear him over the crashing waves. Rick nuts. I swallow.


Rick makes no attempt to reciprocate. He rubs my cheek in appreciation. Turns and walks back to the house. I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess I read him wrong. I follow back towards the house.

Rick stops at the base of the stairs leading to the deck. There’s a small outdoor shower right there. He rinses off. He pulls me in. Rick rubs my skin as the water—colder than the ocean—cascades over me. The sand and salt rush away.


He grabs my hand and we silently walk up the steps. Halfway up we stop and kiss.

At the top of the stairs, Rick hands me a towel and walks naked into the house. I dry myself off in the cool night air. He’s back out. He hands me a condom and some lube. Romantic, he isn’t.

Rick lays back on the chaise lounge. He lifts his legs, offering his ass. We haven’t said a word since we were standing in the ocean. My cock is rock hard. I tear open the package and roll on the condom. I apply a small amount of lube to his ass, checking the tightness. Not as quite tight as Rafael, but still pretty tight.

I kneel on the lounge and push his legs back. The light is just enough to see Rick’s expression clearly. He wants this. He wants this bad. His cock is rock hard. I grab onto it as I push in.

Rick’s tight. I have to pull out; he’s in pain. I play with his hole a little more. He relaxes. I start to enter again. He tells me to grab his dick again. I grasp it as I push gently. I pause. He moans. I push a little more. A little more. Once more. I’m in there. Balls deep.

I lean forward and kiss Rick. His puts his arms around me and holds me tight. I begin to fuck him gently. I nibble on his neck as I pump his tight ass. His hole grips my shaft. I keep thinking “I can’t believe I’m fucking this amazing straight guy.”


I push back so I can feel his body. My hands explore his trimmed muscled chest. I grab his pecs and tweak his nipples. Rick writhes beneath me as my cock continues sliding in and out of his hole.

Pulling out all the way, Rick moans loudly. I briefly wonder if anyone can hear, but the sound of the crashing waves dashes any concerns.

Rick is now on his side. I push his leg back so I can get in deeper. I enter harder. Pushing deeper, faster. His ass is looser, but still grips my hard cock. I’m now fully fucking him. I’m ramming my cock as hard as I can into that tight straight hole. I can’t believe how good hiss hole feels.


Close, I decide to shift one last time. Rick repositions himself on the lounge on his hands and knees. I fuck hardest doggie style. I enter and lean forward. I hiss in Rick’s ear, “I’m gonna cum in your ass”. He moans.

I reach around and grab the head of his cock. It’s dripping so much, my hand is instantly soaked. Pumping hard and fast, I cup the head and rotate my hand around. My other hand is on his loose balls. I keep playing with the head as I fuck him hard. Rick’s ass starts twitching. He begins to buck. His balls tighten.

Rick cums in my hand. Big load. He’s dumped a thick one. I lean forward, pushing my cum-soaked hand into his mouth. I make him eat his own load.



My balls are burning. I can’t hold out any more. Rick’s lapping up his own load makes me cum. I cum hard into Rick’s tight fucking hole. I grab onto his shoulders and ram my spewing rod into Rick’s hot hole. Pumping hard and deep until every last drop was spent.


I stand up. The condom looks like it’s filled with a quart of jizz. I’m mildly self-congratulatory. I yank it off and fire it off the balcony into the bushes. I walk back down the steps to the outdoor shower and wash the sweat and sex off me. Rick joins me. We rub each other a bit. I stop before he gets me too hot because I need to get to bed.

I’m chilled. I towel off in the living room. The house is so fucking quiet. Rick opens the sliding glass door and the room is filled with the sounds of the ocean. I’m convinced no one could have heard us.

Sneaking up the stairs. I stop at a creak. Rick bumps into me. He puts his hand on my ass. Damn. I’m getting hard again. I turn. Rick’s hand moves to my cock. A couple of rubs. A few pumps. His lips are on my shaft.


Hot and moist against my chilled skin he takes my growing cock deep into his mouth. I sit on the step. Rick cups my balls and brings my hard shaft deep. I’m in his throat. I try not to moan. I worry my panting or his slurping will wake someone. I’m not worried enough to stop.

With one had Rick plays with my balls and hole. With the other he runs his hand over my chest and body. I grab his head and push my cock back down his throat. “Keep doing that,” I whisper. I lean back, hands behind my head and watch him swallow my cock.


I throw my head back as a soft moan escapes. I try not to make any noises, but my breathing and sighing is a dead giveaway to anyone awake. My balls tighten. I grab Rick’s head and blow in his mouth.


Rick was not expecting my load and grunts a bit. My hand prevents his moving off. “Yeah,” I hiss, “swallow it.” He takes it all.

I sleep well that night.



Late Sunday morning. Connie and I are walking along the beach. She’s done cooking for the weekend. We’re heading a local sandwich shop to get lunch for everyone. I thank her again for inviting me for the weekend. She says I was Rick’s choice. Without a beat she asks me how good of a fuck he was.

She fills me in on the situation. Rick is a good father. A good friend. The marriage is of convenience. I ask her what she gets out of it. “Three wonderful kids and a good life.”

“Are you happy?” She smiles at my question. Her answer is cryptic: “It’s complicated.”

I drop the subject and walk in silence for about 10 minutes. I break the silence by asking how she gets off: “Man or machine?” We chat and flirt until she points up the beach to get into “town”—a gas station and about eight stores, including the sandwich place.

We cut through a row of apartments along the beach. There’s a small alley where the A/C units are located. Who uses A/C at the beach? We step gingerly over the pipes and cables. I take Connie’s hand and guide her along. I look back and see the waves crashing. To the front people walking in “town”. Yet this spot feels completely secluded.

I give Connie a quick kiss. I guess I’m apologizing for Rick. While my fucking her husband was not complicit, I felt I was at the time. Her lips are soft. I kiss her again. She grabs my shirt. I pull her close. Our tongues explore each other’s mouths.


I have fucked a number of women before. Some for money. Some for fun. Most for money in my college years. I was younger then. Hard-ons came easy. Now, women don’t get me that hard. Connie does.

She’s worked out. 5’6” 110. Small, perky breasts. Brown hair, sweet brown eyes. She looks like she’s a rockin’ fuck. I’m about to find out.


My hands explore her tight tits. The bikini top slips up easily. I nibble on her breasts. Not as much fun as Rick’s hairy pecs, but I’m digging them. She coos and moans. It makes me hard.

I slip my hand down her bikini bottom and feel how moist she is. Either she is a quick turn on, or she’s been really into the flirting. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. Connie pulls down my swim trunks enough to get my bone out. I was turned on last night, but I think my cock is harder now. This spot is secluded, yet anyone bothering to look can see us.


Her pussy is warm and moist. I slide in with ease. Unlike my previous attempts with women, I needed no help in finding it. I push Connie against the wall. I slide into her. I start to fuck her while nibbling on her neck. She moans. She whispers for me to fuck her hard. I choose to slow down a bit. I pull my head back. I look her in the eyes. I know women well enough that they love a connection. Without a word I just stare into her eyes. I continue shoving my thick cock into her tight cunt.

Connie’s throbbing around my shaft. I stop and just stare at her for a minute. I give her a soft kiss. A small tear rolls down her cheek. Bingo. I own her. I start to fuck her slowly again. Still looking in her eyes.


My thrusts increase in speed and intensity. My eyes are locked on hers. She nods. She wants it faster and harder. I stop. I pull out. Turn her around facing away from me.

Bending a bit, I enter Connie from behind. My right hand on her left breast. My left hand on her clit. I start fucking her hard again. Banging her pussy with all the might I can muster from my awkward position. Fingering her clit does wonders. She groans and shouts.

My arms are almost fully supporting her. Her legs are off the ground. They are twisted around my thighs. She’s pushing away from the wall with both arms, pushing her body into a more vertical position. I feel her body quiver. Her pussy is practically clamped down on my cock. My hand is drenched with her juice.

Her orgasm is hard. Intense. I keep fucking until I shoot my load deep into her. I stand there twitching. We are both so sweaty I don’t know how I was able to hold on to her.

I release her. She sits on an A/C unit. Her legs too unstable to stand. I pull up my shorts. Looking around, I find her bikini bottoms behind another A/C unit. Someone has to have heard our screams so I suggest we move on.

The walk back is uneventful. While eating lunch I look at Connie and Rick’s kids. All of them look like Connie. None of them look like Rick. I wonder if they’re his.


In the afternoon I fall asleep on the deck and get a sunburn. I still manage to fuck the hell out of Rafael that night.


This weekend has been full of surprises. One last surprise remains.

This last Friday, Rick calls. Connie gave birth to her fourth child that morning. A little girl. It’s mine. No expectations, except for detailed medical family history. The conversation is surreal. It’s not the first time I’ve been used as a sperm donor. He says thanks. He quickly asks when we might be able to hook up again. Now that doesn’t surprise me.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

There's This Dick...

Sorry I haven’t written. I had a problem with this dick.

It’s early March. I’m at 7-Eleven microwaving a burrito. This guy enters. Amazing. Confident. Sexy. Beautiful blue eyes. He’s eyeing the burritos. I’m eyeing his ass. The bell dings. I pull out my burrito. He asks what I like. I smile. Like shooting fish in a barrel...

We go back to my place and fuck. He ends up spending the night.

And the next day. He spends Sunday night as well.

He comes back Monday night. And Tuesday.

The connection is fantastic. The sex more so. He’ a little older than I am. He has his shit together. Smart. Charming. Hung. Built. Fucks for hours.

I can’t understand why this perfect man is single. I snatch him up. He moves in three weeks after we meet. Do I hear warning bells? Yeah. Do I ignore them? I’d answer that question, but he’s fucking me into ecstasy.

By mid-April I am head-over-heels in love. I am also heels-over-ass getting fucked. Every night. The guy is insatiable. I stop fucking my regulars and semi-regulars. He’s taking my time.

Ring all you want warning bell, I’m ignoring you.

Occasionally, we have friends over. His friends. He wants us to fuck with other guys. I don’t. Not that I’m not into other guys. I’m not into his friends. There is something not right about them. I can’t place it. They don’t smell, but they don’t look clean. We fuck in front of each other. His friends bareback.

May 1 Derek asks to bareback. I say no. We fight. He walks out. Comes back four hours later and apologizes.

We make up. We kiss. He smells like another man. I ask him if he was with someone else. It doesn’t bother me, I’m just curious who else he’s fucking. He says no. Asks why I don't trust him? I tell him I do. He calls me jealous. I tell him it doesn’t matter. He says I’m controlling.

We fight again. I tell him to sleep downstairs.

I call a buddy. Tell him everything. “He sounds guilty.”

Shit. I’m thinking the same thing.

Later, I can’t sleep. I go downstairs to talk. He’s on the couch. He’s watching porn and jerking off. Damn. He’s a fucking sex addict.

Next morning. We talk. He’s calm. Lucid. Sweet. I tell him I don’t care if he fucks around, but be careful. He says he doesn’t fuck around. Derek tells me he hasn’t been with anyone else since we met.

I find that hard to believe. He blurts out that he wants to fuck this morning. He wants to bareback. Now. “I want you to go to work with my sperm in you.”

I tell him we need to get tested. Another fucking fight. Another fucking alarm.

Intermittent periods of unbridled sexual joy and emotional misery over the next month. No matter what, the sex is awesome. We’re always safe. However, he is starting to wear me down.

May 10 I leave for a business trip. I call home. Only once do I get an answer. I don’t know the voice. I hang up.

For the first time in years, I break down and cry. I can’t ignore the warnings. It's not that he's fucking around, but he's lying about it. If he's lying about it, he's doing something wrong. I'm assuming barebacking. Who knows what else?



May 15, I’m back. I walk in. The house is in order, but feels dirty. There are stains on the dining room chairs. The carpet is filthy. The house smells funny.

Derek comes home. I ask him who answered the phone. He calls me crazy. Tells me the house is exactly as I left it. Calls me Jealous. Suspicious. Insane. The only one I feel he’s correct on is the last.

He tells me to sleep in the guest room. It’s my fucking house and I’m sleeping in the guest room. I start to crawl in the bed. There are stains on the sheets. I pull the sheets off. A pair of underwear are there. Neither of our sizes. I push the bed out to flip the mattress. Something catches my eye.

A digital camera is next to the nightstand. I turn it on.

I. Am. Not. Insane.

I now understand how every stain got in my house. I don’t think any condoms were used. Clear pictures of Derek fucking other guys and being fucked by at least Eight that I can count.

I try and figure out what I should do. I download the pics and send them to a friend. I’m imagining a divorce hearing. I’m tired. This relationship feels like it’s been going for years.


I wake Derek up and tell him to get out of my bed and out of my house. He starts telling me I’m crazy. I show him the camera. He stares blankly for about 20 long seconds.

“That’s not me.”

I haven’t even shown him the pictures.

I tell him he needs to leave. He uses all his tricks, but I’m clenching the phone in my hand to remind me. I send him to the guest room and I try to sleep. At some point, I drift off.

I wake to find my cellphone, along with a bunch of electronic equipment, and wallet are missing. The computer is anchored under the desk because it contains work files, so it’s safe.

The police fill out reports. While they are here his car is found. Two blocks from my house. I’m panicked for a moment that he’s coming back. Then I check the garage. He took my truck, too.

They still haven’t found him, but according to a cop friend they think he’s heading home to family in Utah. Yeah, fucking Utah.

And get this: his name isn’t Derek. It’s Richard, also known as Dick.

The hotel I’m staying at is fantastic. Room service cannot be underestimated. My home has been scrubbed. It’s now being painted. New furniture has been ordered. In a better housing market I might have been tempted to move. Pay attention to those warning bells, kids. And get tested, I just did (so far, so good).

I gotta get my “sea legs” back, but I promise to post more.

As I said, sorry I’ve been gone for a while. I had a problem with this Dick.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

No Shit...

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?


"This is 1752% MORE than other websites who took this test." I guess the other guys that took this test were a bunch of pussies.

Fuckwads...

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

You've Got Questions

Very few comment on this blog (thanks Supplicant!). However, many email me. Lots of questions. Weird questions. Specific questions. Perverts. I like that. I’ve compiled a bunch of them. They’re not in any specific order.

Why Awkward? You’re not awkward, you get laid a lot.
Originally it was to be about my relationships. I try; they fail. My dick gets me in a lot of trouble. My sex life is awkward. Started weird. Continues to be.

How old were you when you started fooling with guys?
Twelve. Older brother. Later with my eldest brother. Stepfather and younger brother, too.

Were you out in high school?
Fuck no. I had a girlfriend all through high school. Voted “Most Likely to Get Married.” Little did they know.

What about college?
No. I was in a frat and I would have had to leave. I wouldn’t trade the experience. Strange as it was, I had fun.

You mentioned baseball, what position?
Catcher from Little League through Freshman year. Eventually moved to outfield. Knees were going. Mostly Centerfield. I was a power hitter.



Any great locker room stories?
No. Eye candy, but no hot stories. Occasional boners, grab ass, etc. No sucking off. I fooled around with guys in cars, bedrooms, etc. I did fuck around with my coach in his office. He started me hustling.


Your coach was your pimp?
Sort of. I didn’t have much money. One of six kids. I was looking for work to pay for college (no scholarship coming). Coach made me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I put myself through college hustling.


More details, please?
Not sure of all the relationships. I think he was started by his college coach. There were a few of us from other schools. I mostly had stuff after practice or a game. They wanted me in uniform. Lots of men with kids my age. LOTS. I got good at role playing. I learned to suppress my laughter: some guys are truly bizarre. Call a guy “daddy” and beg him to fuck you—he’ll pay well. Repeatedly.

How many guys did you have to fuck to pay tuition?In high school, a lot. It gave me a unique insight into men. In college, I lucked into Ed: my patron; sponsor. A very successful businessman who was in town a few times a month. He paid for everything. Requirement: I had to be available when he was in town. Plus summer vacations. I told my parents it was an internship. We travelled all summer—mostly Europe. We fucked. We drank. We fucked. We shopped. He gave me an entirely different type of education. He’s still a good friend.


You’re totally gay?
I do fuck women. That’s just for laughs. Escorting for parties, weddings, etc. We have fun. We fuck. They cum. They love me. But I’m totally gay.


Are you still a hooker?
I prefer the term hustler. No. I don’t think I could do it now. I lucked out: No cops. No deadly diseases. I wouldn’t know where to start now.


Does your family know?
That I’m gay? Yes. That I hustled? No. As for my brothers and I fucking around: we don’t talk about it. We don’t talk about sex much.


You mentioned fooling with your step-dad, was it hot, or rape?
Neither. It was okay. I got off. But he didn’t do much for me. It was nice to get attention from him. He mostly ignored me. Decent dick. Not a great fuck. We only did it a handful of times.

Does your mom and real dad know anything?
Mom knows I’m gay, but doesn’t talk about it. She has no idea about the wild stuff. Pops died when I was five.


Do you feel abused? [clarified: hustling, brothers, coach, patron, etc.]
No. I feel lucky to have had the experience. My brothers taught me a lot. Ironically about girls. Eldest taught me how to finger fuck a girl. I put that to great use at a party in the 8th grade. I had a rep as a stud through high school. Hustling got me to school. Ed (sponsor/patron) gave me a college education. Travel. Learned a lot about European art and culture. It may have warped me on relationships. I’m working on that.


You write weird and rarely use conjunctions. Why do you say “I suck him” and not “I sucked him.” Is all of it calculated, or are you dumb?
Hemingway, I’m not. Admittedly, my writing skills are limited. As for style: I’m usually pretty quiet. I don’t get flowery with language. My writing reflects that. I keep it in the present tense so the reader is there with me. I limit it to the facts: “His dick is big. Uncut. Mushroom head. His bush has a deep musky scent. I inhale as I suck him deep... He shoots his thick load down my throat. I swallow it all.”

Why haven’t you been writing?
Good question. One would think I just stuck that in there, like it’s a fake question… Work has been busy. Life has been busy. I write when I get down time.


But you post to Crooked Vein, your wildly popular picture site
“Wildly popular”? Okay, that is a fake question. Posting pics takes a couple of minutes. I look at nasty pics to relax. It’s easy to throw a few things up. Sorry I haven’t posted. I have been getting laid. Really. I have. Some of it isn’t that interesting: A fuck buddy came by. We sucked each other off. He left.

I’ll try harder.

I hope this answers some questions. Write if you need more information. I threw the questions on here and then deleted the emails. If you wrote with a question and it wasn’t answered, write again. (Note, I used conjunctions in two sentences in a row!)


Sunday, February 24, 2008

What A Wonderful Night for Oscar! Oscar, Oscar, Who Will Win?


Going to an Oscar party at a buddy's place tonight. Big party. I've only heard about. This is my first invite. We pull names out of a hat -- we "are" those people for the night. If our celebrity wins, then we win... sex.
Winners get to fuck the losers... or vice versa. Not too sure. I'm in an Oscar pool at work, but tonight I don't care whether I win or lose. I just want to be on time in case my category is first.
I'll blog about this later this week. Enjoy the show--I'm certain I will.
New Blog
Not that I post enough here to need another blog, but I started one for my pics. I check out a lot of porn. I thought I'd share my findings. Check it out. Let me know what you think. If it sucks, I'll dump it. You got some nasty pics you think should be up there? Forward them my way.
Get fucked--I mean that in a very good way.


[UPDATE: Not exactly what I thought it was... I'll give details later--must sleep]