The Wedding Invitation

Got a call from the BF. We just received a wedding invitation. “There’s a note attached…” he stammers. This is not the first to have ‘a note.’

“Read it.”

“Robert, I hope you and [The Boyfriend] can make it. You MUST promise that you are NOT going to try to sleep with any of the wedding party at the wedding this time. Including me, [the groom] and my brother. I’m serious! If you can’t make the promise, you can’t come. Love, Claire”.

“Is she for real?” Unfortunately, yes. I immediately text Claire:

Me: Got the invite. Got your msg. Thanks.
Claire: Holding you to it.
Me: K. How cute is the priest?
Claire: Srsly?
Me: ;-)
Claire: Just of Peace. 60’s.
Me: Oh. Then no promise on your bro.
Claire: Ass! He just got out of a bad one.

[15 minutes later]
Claire: PLZ DON’T MESS THIS WEDDING UP TOO.
Me: Too?
Claire: You know what I mean.
Me: please…
Claire: Srsly. I want this to work. Dont jinx it!
Me: I believe YOU were the one who sucked MY dick [her first wedding]
Claire: I was drunk
Me: Not that drunk.
Claire: You had your dick out
Me: I was taking a piss!
Claire: And you made a compelling point.
Me: All I said was ‘you’re never going to suck any other dick beside Ed’s for the next 50 years.’
Claire: Exactly.
Me: Can I come to the bachelorette party?
Claire: NO! You fucked my maid of honor!
Me: And you.
Claire: Fuck you.
Me: That’s what she said.
Claire: Ass.
Me: Been there, too.
Me: Can I come to the bachelor party?
Claire: Jerk.
Claire: Even worse idea.

[30 minutes later]
Claire: Srsly. I don’t want any drama at this wedding.
Me: Okay. Out of curiosity, who’s in the wedding party?
Claire: No.
Me: Just seeing if I’ve had sex with them before.
Claire: You have. Trust.
Me: If I’ve had them before, I won’t want them again.
Claire: Sha!
Me: True…

[Hour later]
Me: So I can fuck [groom] before the wedding date, right?
Claire: You ruined enough of my marriages
Me: Only two.
Claire: Only been married twice
Me: Srsly?
Claire: Didn’t count. Family secret!
Me: Tramp ;-)
Claire: HUSH!
Me: [BF] will keep me in line. K?
Claire: Thanks!

[Five minutes later]
Me: So, you’re sure [groom]’s the one, right? Sex is THE BEST EVER?
Claire: Fucker!
Me: I got your back…
Claire: Thers than just sex.
Me: But if the sex sucks…
Claire: Got a meeting
Me: K. Love you. I’ll be good.
Claire: liar!

[45 minutes later and more than enough time to think about what I’ve said.]
Claire: Hey, want to get drinks tonight?

I know where this is going and it doesn’t look good for marriage number four.

Unexpected Surprises

September. Labor Day Weekend with a Rafael. I know him from parties. Mutual friends. Occasional late-night hookups. He’s cute. Compact. Tight. Furry but trimmed down. Nice dick. Good lay.

The invitation comes as a surprise. It’s not just us. We’re staying at his friend’s beach house. With the friends. Married straight couple. Rick and Connie. Mid-30s. Both extremely attractive. Well bred. All American. They have three kids: 3, 5, and 7. The kids are mildly out of control. Reminds me of my family. Not going to be a fuckfest weekend.

Cocktails in hand within seconds of arrival. Rick and Connie are instantly my best friends. Life is good.

Friday night. Drinks. Dinner. More drinks. Talk until well past midnight. I develop a mild crush on both Rick and Connie.

We go to bed. Rafael is horny and wants to fuck. I worry Connie and Rick will hear. I worry the kids will hear. Rafael is naked and playing with his hole. The kids’ room is downstairs. Connie and Rick are adults. We fuck like rabbits. His hole is so tight it almost hurts to fuck him. I vaguely remember grunting loudly.

Strange bed. Even with no sleep I wake early. Sun is up. I pad my way downstairs. Connie is making breakfast. Rick is on a run. I apologize for any noise we may have made. Connie says she didn’t hear a thing. She grins too much when she says it. I know she’s lying. I let it drop. We chat. I think she’s flirting with me. What the hell: “When in Rome…” I flirt back.


Rick comes back. He looks even better sweaty after his run. Instantly gives me grief about the noise. “Just how big is your dick?” he smiles, “we could hear Raf screaming about it through the walls.” I’m beat red. And a little hard at the thought of Rick hearing me fuck.

I change the subject. Ask Rick about his run. The more I talk to him the more I want to have sex with him. He’s damn fucking hot. He’s about 6’. 170. Brown hair. Clear blue eyes. Dusting of hair. Legs are thick. His ass is smoking. Plays soccer most weekends with a bunch of buddies. I can’t look at him without getting wood.

The day is eclectic. Playing with the kids. Reading. Sunning. Napping. I build an awesome sand castle that the kids all jump on and destroy. Rafael spends most of the day tanning and sleeping.

Another great dinner. Raf is wiped after all the sun and goes to bed early. Connie does too. It’s 9:30. Rick and I sit on the deck staring at the moon.

Rick suggests we go skinny dipping. He stands. Drops his pants. I’m so taken aback I don’t check out his junk. He’s halfway down to the water before he pulls off his shirt. I take off my clothes and follow him to the water.

There are small bond fires along the beach. None too close. Some of the nearby houses have floodlights facing the beach. Nothing direct on us. Still, I feel like we’re going to get caught. The moon is bright. There’s some visibility. I still can’t make out Rick’s package. The water is cold. I hope he can’t see mine shrinking up.

We splash around. Lots of diving into the waves. Some grab ass. Nothing sexual. All fun. Rick tackles me a few times. I quickly move beyond the weirdness that I’m naked with a really hot straight guy. We’re just having stupid fun.

Rick swims out where our feet can’t touch the bottom. I follow. I think of Jaws.

We tread water and talk a bit. He asks about Rafael. I tell him it’s not serious. He asks if Rafael knows it’s not. Pretty sure. He swims real close. Mentions the fucking again. He also asks again how big my dick is. This time he reaches for it. The water is cold. It’s not very big.


We swim towards the shore where we can stand. Rick leans in and kisses me. We start to make out. His hands are all over my dick and balls. I grow. He seems impressed.

We start walking back up the beach to the house. I want him bad. Halfway up I drop to my knees. I want his cock in my mouth. I take him in. It’s thick. Not long, but thick. He’s cut. Doesn’t quite fill my mouth. I don’t know where the salt of the ocean ends and his salty taste begins. As I keep sucking he fills my mouth with his growing cock. He’s warming up. It gets thicker. And thicker. Much like a beer can.

My hands grab his ass and pull him in. He grunts as he fucks my face. Rick’s cold wet hands massage my head. I briefly wonder if anyone can see us. This turns me on more. I suck harder. He grunts loudly. I doubt anyone can hear him over the crashing waves. Rick nuts. I swallow.

Rick makes no attempt to reciprocate. He rubs my cheek in appreciation. Turns and walks back to the house. I shouldn’t be surprised. I guess I read him wrong. I follow back towards the house.

Rick stops at the base of the stairs leading to the deck. There’s a small outdoor shower right there. He rinses off. He pulls me in. Rick rubs my skin as the water—colder than the ocean—cascades over me. The sand and salt rush away.


He grabs my hand and we silently walk up the steps. Halfway up we stop and kiss.

At the top of the stairs, Rick hands me a towel and walks naked into the house. I dry myself off in the cool night air. He’s back out. He hands me a condom and some lube. Romantic, he isn’t.

Rick lays back on the chaise lounge. He lifts his legs, offering his ass. We haven’t said a word since we were standing in the ocean. My cock is rock hard. I tear open the package and roll on the condom. I apply a small amount of lube to his ass, checking the tightness. Not as quite tight as Rafael, but still pretty tight.

I kneel on the lounge and push his legs back. The light is just enough to see Rick’s expression clearly. He wants this. He wants this bad. His cock is rock hard. I grab onto it as I push in.

Rick’s tight. I have to pull out; he’s in pain. I play with his hole a little more. He relaxes. I start to enter again. He tells me to grab his dick again. I grasp it as I push gently. I pause. He moans. I push a little more. A little more. Once more. I’m in there. Balls deep.

I lean forward and kiss Rick. His puts his arms around me and holds me tight. I begin to fuck him gently. I nibble on his neck as I pump his tight ass. His hole grips my shaft. I keep thinking “I can’t believe I’m fucking this amazing straight guy.”

I push back so I can feel his body. My hands explore his trimmed muscled chest. I grab his pecs and tweak his nipples. Rick writhes beneath me as my cock continues sliding in and out of his hole.

Pulling out all the way, Rick moans loudly. I briefly wonder if anyone can hear, but the sound of the crashing waves dashes any concerns.

Rick is now on his side. I push his leg back so I can get in deeper. I enter harder. Pushing deeper, faster. His ass is looser, but still grips my hard cock. I’m now fully fucking him. I’m ramming my cock as hard as I can into that tight straight hole. I can’t believe how good hiss hole feels.


Close, I decide to shift one last time. Rick repositions himself on the lounge on his hands and knees. I fuck hardest doggie style. I enter and lean forward. I hiss in Rick’s ear, “I’m gonna cum in your ass”. He moans.

I reach around and grab the head of his cock. It’s dripping so much, my hand is instantly soaked. Pumping hard and fast, I cup the head and rotate my hand around. My other hand is on his loose balls. I keep playing with the head as I fuck him hard. Rick’s ass starts twitching. He begins to buck. His balls tighten.

Rick cums in my hand. Big load. He’s dumped a thick one. I lean forward, pushing my cum-soaked hand into his mouth. I make him eat his own load.

My balls are burning. I can’t hold out any more. Rick’s lapping up his own load makes me cum. I cum hard into Rick’s tight fucking hole. I grab onto his shoulders and ram my spewing rod into Rick’s hot hole. Pumping hard and deep until every last drop was spent.


I stand up. The condom looks like it’s filled with a quart of jizz. I’m mildly self-congratulatory. I yank it off and fire it off the balcony into the bushes. I walk back down the steps to the outdoor shower and wash the sweat and sex off me. Rick joins me. We rub each other a bit. I stop before he gets me too hot because I need to get to bed.

I’m chilled. I towel off in the living room. The house is so fucking quiet. Rick opens the sliding glass door and the room is filled with the sounds of the ocean. I’m convinced no one could have heard us.

Sneaking up the stairs. I stop at a creak. Rick bumps into me. He puts his hand on my ass. Damn. I’m getting hard again. I turn. Rick’s hand moves to my cock. A couple of rubs. A few pumps. His lips are on my shaft.


Hot and moist against my chilled skin he takes my growing cock deep into his mouth. I sit on the step. Rick cups my balls and brings my hard shaft deep. I’m in his throat. I try not to moan. I worry my panting or his slurping will wake someone. I’m not worried enough to stop.

With one had Rick plays with my balls and hole. With the other he runs his hand over my chest and body. I grab his head and push my cock back down his throat. “Keep doing that,” I whisper. I lean back, hands behind my head and watch him swallow my cock.

I throw my head back as a soft moan escapes. I try not to make any noises, but my breathing and sighing is a dead giveaway to anyone awake. My balls tighten. I grab Rick’s head and blow in his mouth.


Rick was not expecting my load and grunts a bit. My hand prevents his moving off. “Yeah,” I hiss, “swallow it.” He takes it all.

I sleep well that night.

Late Sunday morning. Connie and I are walking along the beach. She’s done cooking for the weekend. We’re heading a local sandwich shop to get lunch for everyone. I thank her again for inviting me for the weekend. She says I was Rick’s choice. Without a beat she asks me how good of a fuck he was.

She fills me in on the situation. Rick is a good father. A good friend. The marriage is of convenience. I ask her what she gets out of it. “Three wonderful kids and a good life.”

“Are you happy?” She smiles at my question. Her answer is cryptic: “It’s complicated.”

I drop the subject and walk in silence for about 10 minutes. I break the silence by asking how she gets off: “Man or machine?” We chat and flirt until she points up the beach to get into “town”—a gas station and about eight stores, including the sandwich place.

We cut through a row of apartments along the beach. There’s a small alley where the A/C units are located. Who uses A/C at the beach? We step gingerly over the pipes and cables. I take Connie’s hand and guide her along. I look back and see the waves crashing. To the front people walking in “town”. Yet this spot feels completely secluded.

I give Connie a quick kiss. I guess I’m apologizing for Rick. While my fucking her husband was not complicit, I felt I was at the time. Her lips are soft. I kiss her again. She grabs my shirt. I pull her close. Our tongues explore each other’s mouths.


I have fucked a number of women before. Some for money. Some for fun. Most for money in my college years. I was younger then. Hard-ons came easy. Now, women don’t get me that hard. Connie does.

She’s worked out. 5’6” 110. Small, perky breasts. Brown hair, sweet brown eyes. She looks like she’s a rockin’ fuck. I’m about to find out.


My hands explore her tight tits. The bikini top slips up easily. I nibble on her breasts. Not as much fun as Rick’s hairy pecs, but I’m digging them. She coos and moans. It makes me hard.

I slip my hand down her bikini bottom and feel how moist she is. Either she is a quick turn on, or she’s been really into the flirting. I’m pretty sure it’s the latter. Connie pulls down my swim trunks enough to get my bone out. I was turned on last night, but I think my cock is harder now. This spot is secluded, yet anyone bothering to look can see us.

Her pussy is warm and moist. I slide in with ease. Unlike my previous attempts with women, I needed no help in finding it. I push Connie against the wall. I slide into her. I start to fuck her while nibbling on her neck. She moans. She whispers for me to fuck her hard. I choose to slow down a bit. I pull my head back. I look her in the eyes. I know women well enough that they love a connection. Without a word I just stare into her eyes. I continue shoving my thick cock into her tight cunt.

Connie’s throbbing around my shaft. I stop and just stare at her for a minute. I give her a soft kiss. A small tear rolls down her cheek. Bingo. I own her. I start to fuck her slowly again. Still looking in her eyes.


My thrusts increase in speed and intensity. My eyes are locked on hers. She nods. She wants it faster and harder. I stop. I pull out. Turn her around facing away from me.

Bending a bit, I enter Connie from behind. My right hand on her left breast. My left hand on her clit. I start fucking her hard again. Banging her pussy with all the might I can muster from my awkward position. Fingering her clit does wonders. She groans and shouts.

My arms are almost fully supporting her. Her legs are off the ground. They are twisted around my thighs. She’s pushing away from the wall with both arms, pushing her body into a more vertical position. I feel her body quiver. Her pussy is practically clamped down on my cock. My hand is drenched with her juice.

Her orgasm is hard. Intense. I keep fucking until I shoot my load deep into her. I stand there twitching. We are both so sweaty I don’t know how I was able to hold on to her.

I release her. She sits on an A/C unit. Her legs too unstable to stand. I pull up my shorts. Looking around, I find her bikini bottoms behind another A/C unit. Someone has to have heard our screams so I suggest we move on.

The walk back is uneventful. While eating lunch I look at Connie and Rick’s kids. All of them look like Connie. None of them look like Rick. I wonder if they’re his.


In the afternoon I fall asleep on the deck and get a sunburn. I still manage to fuck the hell out of Rafael that night.


This weekend has been full of surprises. One last surprise remains.

This last Friday, Rick calls. Connie gave birth to her fourth child that morning. A little girl. It’s mine. No expectations, except for detailed medical family history. The conversation is surreal. It’s not the first time I’ve been used as a sperm donor. He says thanks. He quickly asks when we might be able to hook up again. Now that doesn’t surprise me.

Seeing Red

Red called yesterday afternoon. He’s a neighbor and he’s married. Married guys are usually off limits. Red is different. We started fooling around before I started the “no married guys” rule.

On Saturdays, he’ll sometimes stop by with other neighbors and we’ll shoot the shit as I work on my yard. I’m the only schmuck still doing his own lawn. Everyone else has a gardener. I like doing my own yard work. I don’t have kids with sporting events to go to. My yard looks better than any other house on the block.

Red only calls when the family isn’t there. I can come over. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. I don’t want him to think I’m on call 24/7, even though in my mind I am.

He’s not that tall, very average in many ways. Red’s a genuinely nice guy in his early 30’s, light blue eyes, a bit freckly, with dark red hair. He also as a seriously nice dick.

I walk over and he meets me out front as if we just happened to wander into each other. I want to tell him that no one is watching, but some of the neighbors love to gossip—especially about me. We look at a dry spot on his lawn and I turn on the sprinklers. One of the heads isn’t working. I grab a screwdriver and start fixing it.

Red is not happy. We only have so much time before the wife and kids come home. I tell him that if he’s going to go through this ruse, then he should see it through. “You want a blow job or not?” I say too loud for him. He’s pissed and goes inside.

I take my time fixing the sprinkler.

I go inside. Fuck it. I don’t knock. I just walk in. Red is standing in the living room, waiting for me. He’s naked. He’s hard.

I walk over and stand very close. I move to kiss him and he reminds me (again) he doesn’t kiss. Whatever. I push his head to my left and move to nibble on his neck. He apologizes. Red thinks this was my plan all along. He’s wrong. But I don’t correct him. I whisper “asshole” in his ear as I nibble his neck. His dick is flat against his hairy stomach.

I start to lick his pits… fucking deodorant. I stop. I move to chew on his left nipple, then to the right. He moans. He loves nipple play. I continue for a while until he’s quivering. Some guys are hard-wired from their nipples. I’m not. Red definitely is.

I kneel before him and begin to suck on his dick. It’s not that long, but it’s very, very wide. It has this flat look I fucking love. He doesn’t drip at all, which is probably why his loads are enormous.

I suck for what feels like forever. I explore every part of that delicious shaft. The head is large and wide like the shaft, his balls are furry, but not that big. I trade off sucking on his balls: back and forth, back and forth. He moans.

Actually, he doesn’t moan. He mutters. I can make out some words, but never sentences. Sometimes it’s a very quiet muttering. Other times, he’s practically speaking in tongues. Whatever it is, I love it. His eyes are closed and he’s in another place. Maybe it’s his wife’s mouth that he’s imagining fucking, I don’t care. He gently holds my head in his hands and stands there pumping my face.

He doesn’t pause or stop. He just keeps muttering: “That’s right… good… suck it… suck… mmm hm… oh, fuck… you know that, right?” I don’t worry much about the missing words. Mostly because I don’t care.

I can’t get the whole shaft in my mouth. I can take it to a point, but then it is just too damn thick to seriously suck properly. I try though. Man, do I fucking try. I think he appreciates it. He seems to say something to that effect.

He stops me and opens his eyes. He wants to fuck me. I stand up and smile. He knows what he has to do to get me to take that dick up my ass. He kneels, grabs my shaft and starts sucking on the head. All business, this one.

His blow jobs started bad and got worse. One time, it was so bad I couldn’t cum. He made a comment that maybe he shouldn’t have to blow me. The fucker was doing it on purpose. I told him that maybe we shouldn’t do this anymore and walked out the front door… naked. It was 2:00am, so I was reasonably certain that no neighbors would see, but it freaked him. I didn’t talk to him for a month.

The douche bag sent me flowers. I called him at work. I told him I wasn’t his wife or his bitch. “I don’t think you’re gay, so stop acting like such a fag.” I wanted to ask him if he was so straight, why not do it with a chick? Instead, I said, “Let’s fuck. But if it’s going to be a shitty fuck for me, then forget it.” His only response was that kissing was “too intimate.” What the fuck? Whatever. Kissing was off the table.

Red has since become an excellent cocksucker. Better at rimming. I’m bent over his couch, my cock dripping with his spit. He’s now working on my hole. He gets in there and really fucks it with his tongue. He mumbles eating my ass. I don’t give a fuck what he’s saying. It feels fucking fantastic.

I’ve got a smile on my face as big as Montana. He rims me for 30 minutes. I keep smiling. This isn’t intimate? Whatever. . I’d forget about him if he didn’t do such a damn fine job.

He starts rubbing his dick on my ass. It’s time for what he really wants..

“Condom,” I remind him. The bastard wants to bareback pretty bad. It’s one concession I’ll never give up. He continues to try and I find that charming on a certain level; annoying as fuck on another. He gets up and comes back a minute later with a condom and a towel from his kid’s bathroom.

I lay down on the couch, on top of a Spongebob Squarepants towle offering my ass up to Red. He puts the head at my hole and smiles. He looks at me. I want to think he loves me and we are going to share something special. He’s just grateful to get some action. It’s all about him. It’s all about that dick. For both of us.

He enters me. Goddamnit, it hurts. I say so. Loudly. He tries to shush me. I feel like some girl being date-raped: he doesn’t stop. He puts his hand over my mouth and keeps pushing in. Mother fucker! He starts whispering shit like “it’s going to be okay” and calling me “baby.” The whole thing feels so goddamned filthy and wrong. My dick has never been harder.

He pushes all the way in. My legs are wrapped around him. Red pulls out slightly and I wince. His hand is even tighter over my mouth. He pulls back a little further and pushes forward. Holy fuck. It hurts like hell and feels like heaven and my eyes roll back into my head.

Red begins to fuck me slow. The pain is slowly becoming pleasure. I’m digging it. I have never enjoyed it this much. I start to whisper to him how good it feels and he mumbles something back. I know I heard “tight” but beyond that it was gibberish.

He continues fucking me harder and faster. I’m meeting his thrusts and we are in a full on power fuck. We are in total sync. He leans into me. I feel like he’s going to kiss me and that makes me moan. I start yelling at him to fuck me harder. I want him to yell back. Call me a “dirty whore” or some such shit.

Instead, he panics that a neighbor will hear and puts his rough hand over my mouth.. His is now lying on top of me and we are practically kissing through his hand. Well, I am. I arch my back, he goes in a little deeper and that’s enough to send me over the edge.

I start to buck a bit and he pulls up. Not missing a stroke, he begins to pump my dick. Hot dick in my ass and a good grip on my rod—I blow my load. He caught me on a good day and I shoot high and thick all over my chest, very little dribbles onto my stomach.

Still pumping my ass, Red leans down and licks up my load. He’s never shy about swallowing my cum when he blows me, but he’s never licked it off me. I tell him not to swallow. He looks up at me and I open my mouth wide for him.

He is unsure what to do. My mouth is open and waiting. He purses his lips and spits my jizz into my mouth. I swallow. I smile.

He starts slamming me harder. He’s close. I tell him I want him to blow on me. He doesn’t stop. I grab at his hairy chest and body. Not hard muscle, but trim. Like I said, Red is average, but so fucking sexy. I beg him to come on me, but he’s gone.

Red could teach Tourette's disorder sufferers a thing of two. The filth that came out of his mouth in 30 seconds was amazing. He was banging me so hard that I got hard again. Again, I feel like a whore. I feel used. I am just a hole to be fucked. I love it.

Red collapsed on top of me. We lay there quietly. I was quiet. He muttered. He then began to kiss my chest; my neck. He stopped. Damn. So close. He pulled out and I sat up. I carefully pull the condom off his dick and let the contents drip into my mouth.

“Don’t swallow,” Red smiles. He leans back and I let his spunk gently drip from my mouth to his. I’m tempted to stick my tongue in too. I resist. He swallows his load.

I get up, put on my shorts and head out the front door without looking back. I hear a muted “thanks” but continue on towards home.

I smile to myself as I cross the street and mutter, “too intimate” over and over. As I am planting some annuals along the driveway, I think about it again. I start to laugh.

My next door neighbor walks out of her garage. “You get a lot of joy out of gardening, don’t you?”

I sit back and smile, “You have no idea.”